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Festus Speak

Gunsmoke Store

    Festus Speak

    Festus Speak: Some of the most colorful language in television spewed forth from the mouth of Festus, like ``Ain't no way to git it did than to go out and do her". Match the following similes and metaphors given birth from the mind of a Haggen:

    (1) Hoppin' around like (a) a weak kitten.
    (2) Plain as (b) belly to backbone.
    (3) I couldn't whup (c) a mule.
    (4) You couldn't burst (d) a flea on a hot skillet
    (5) These spurs will carve you from (e) a beetle bug.
    (6) If that don't put you (f) last year's haystack.
    (7) The onliest thing you get (g) a clod in your shoe.

      from stradlin' the fence is

    (h) a barn rooster on a prime hoot.
    (8) This here (stew) will grow hair on (i) a sore backside.
    (9) He'll catch fire faster than (j) the wrong possum.
    (10) Tighter than the feathers on (k) a prairie chicken's rump.
    (11) You went and treed yourself (l) my saddle.
    (12) Safer than chitlins (m) a city folk's supper plate.
    (13) My tail bone's gonna take root to (n) the pimple on your nose.
    (14) Knee high to (o) your elbows.
    (15) Hot enough to fry (p) the nose on a newborn calf.
    (16) Smoother than (q) a dog's got hairs on his back.
    (17) Got more friends than (r) a horseshoe.
    (18) (He) draws trouble like (s) a summer melon draws flies.
    (19) (I) feel better than (t) a boll weevil on a corn cob.
    (20) Sit there like (h) a bird's egg with a balpene hammer.
    Answers: 1d, 2n, 3a, 4u, 5b, 6g, 7i, 8o, 9f, 10k, 11j, 12m, 13l, 14f, 15r, 16p, 17q, 18s, 19h, 20t
    (1) I'll be (a) a jug full of red ants.
    (2) I'll get after you like (b) any one thing.
    (3) He ain't got the gumption to pound sand for (c) ugly on an ape.
    (4) I'll get onto you like (d) the clear blue sky.
    (5) How'd you like to be gatherin' eggs and find her in (e) a rat hole.
    (6) The more a fellers got on his mind, the less time he's got to think on (f) the nest
    (7) You catch a Haggen in a lie and a streak of lightening will hit you from (g) a lop eared mule.
    (8) Sore as a (h) a boil.
    (9) Hotter than (i) thunder after lightnin'.
    (10) Bleedin' like (j) the liberty bell.
    (11) I thumped him 'till his ears rang like (k) frogs hair.
    (12) Fine as (l) a parson's Sunday parlor.
    (13) Quiet as on cotton on (m) a stuck hog.
    (14) Crookeder than (n) a wet sack on a slab
    (15) Naked as (o) a dog's hind leg.
      (p) `yer taters.
    (17) Quiet as (q) a picked prairie chicken.
    (18) Like a sidewinder in the hands of (r) a cottontail.
    (19) Hold (s) a mouse tip toeing
    Answers: 1g, 2i, 3e, 4c, 5f, 6b, 7d, 8h, 9a, 10m, 11j, 12k, 13r, 14o, 15q, 16n, 17s, 19p
1. You look like (a) a particle.
2. You learn a thing a day (b) wet.
3. That don't hurt (c) a sow's bed.
4. If you don't call, then you don't see (d) you git bit.
5. Folks that believe in signs himself out of the creek don't never get themselves (e) a sunfish who flopped
6. I made a bigger mess than

(g) you store up smart.

7. Ain't you startin' to itch before (h) the brim of his hat.
8. He can't see past (i) a wagon load full of cobs.
9. Easier than (j) an old toad
10. Pooch up like (k) a June morning.
11. Rougher than (l) a grass hopper in a hen house.
12. No more chance than (m) a gagged gopher.
13. Flatter than (n) a snake though a ringer.
14. I loved that boy like (o) a preacher's kids
15. Tighter than (p) on a cold January night.
16. Quieter than (q) the hand.
17. Sincere as at a $5 funeral. (p) an undertaker's brief
Answers: 1e, 2g, 3a, 4q, 5b, 6c, 7d, 8h, 9f, 10j, 11i, 12l, 13n, 14k, 15o, 16m, 17p

Festus' Dictionary:

These words are used by Festus. Match them on the right with their meaning. One of the answers is used twice.



(1) slovering droops (a) mouth
(2) scutter (b) the central point
(3) featherfoot (c) handsome
(4) slackjaw (d) a cattle disease
(5) tater trap (e) a phony doctor
(6) quack - quack (f) relieve from duty
(7) looksome (g) walk
(8) nub (h) grab
(9) amble (i) spiritual
(10) palaver (j) ill tempered
(11) soulsome (k) talk
(12) glom (l) overly sensitive
(13) spell (m) listen
(14) squeemy (n) bag
(15) passle (o) introducing
(16) poke (p) old man
(17) grump head (q) sneak
(18) bent ear (r) vast quantities
(19) twistee (s) tornado
(20) howdyin' (t) hit
(21) pooch (u) puff up
(22) whomp (v) throat
(23) slippery gee-jaw (w) snicker
(24) snigger (x) lie
(25) goosler (y) complex
(26) palotsome (aa) delicious
(27) complexicated (bb) whisky
(28) there's a pot a brewin'  
(29) wobble water  

Answers: 1d, 2p, 3q, 4k, 5a, 6e, 7c, 8b, 9g, 10k, 11i, 12h, 13f, 14l, 15r, 16n, 17j, 18m, 19s, 20o, 21u, 22t, 23x, 24w, 25v, 26aa, 27y, 28z, 29bb